It is getting close to 3 years now since Lindsey and I reunited. How is it going? It depends on who you ask! Lindsey has always made it very clear that her adoptive family is her "real" family. She has never misled me into thinking that she wanted something else. Yet as her genetic mother, I have the desire to be something special to her. I wrestle with those feelings.

We are close, yet not close. I know things about Lindsey without having to be told just because she is my child-I have the typical ESP mom's have towards her. It must be difficult to have 2 mom's with ESP! For the first year, we corresponded regularly and seemed to be on our way to forging a strong relationship. But after the first year, our relationship has not progressed. Lindsey says on her web page she wants to integrate her families, but it is clear that my position in her life is akin to a distant relative, and integration has not occurred.

Lindsey has never visited me. I understood this while she was a student in college. Lindsey graduated from college in the summer of 1999 and got married this past June. In the spring of 1999, Lindsey promised to visit while she and Matthew were in Phoenix— but it didn't work with their plans.

My mother and brother both live in the town where her parents live. Lindsey regularly goes to Athens to visit. My other brother lives outside of Atlanta, where Lindsey lives now. Since that one meeting, she has never made any more contact with my siblings even though there was never any question of my family accepting Lindsey. My family was very excited that Lindsey and I reunited. They want to get to know her. Yet she chooses not to make any more contact with them. This is her choice of course. I had hoped that she would get to know them and feel comfortable being around her birthfamily.

This past summer Lindsey and Matthew married. Somehow my invitation got lost in the mail. I would've gone anyway if I'd known more about her plans for me, but I never received any indication that Lindsey really wanted me there-no mention of plans to visit with me when I made the trip...Lindsey has told me she did have plans, but these weren't ever expressed to me beforehand.

Ann's Note Continued